dr kerby (1)

Dr. Bryce Kerby

I have scaled the walls of educational facilities with a home-made grapnel
after launching basketballs with my miniature catapult. I have ridden a
skateboard through the sewer. I rarely prevaricate or embellish upon the
truth. I am a law-abiding citizen; however, I only obey the laws of
physics reluctantly. I tile, I grout, I have the uncanny ability to
perfectly sink drywall screws on the first try without a dimpling bit. My
home-made pyrotechnic displays have impressed dozens; however, my
home-grown watermelons failed to impress anyone. I have walked through a
campfire and left a trail of flaming footprints. I can fold my tongue
along both axes and by suction alone use it to lift upwards of five
pounds. I am often mistaken for Superman, but unlike him, everything I do
is done without special effects. The surprise ending seldom surprises me.
I go to Las Vegas frequently but never gamble. I have won the lottery
three times without ever buying a ticket. (Once I did buy a ticket, of
course I lost). If I could no longer be a veterinarian, I would likely
pursue a career in demolitions, though I tend to build and create more
often than destroy. (If you don’t count the time my friends and I chopped
down the tree in my front yard with a flaming sword). I can not only
differentiate between but also perform Gambee, Lembert and Ford suture
patterns. I have a large vocabulary which I come by honestly, despite the
accusations that I have a dictionary watch. I speak, read and write in
English and Spanish. I can also speed-read dozens of other languages with
little or no comprehension. I have written poems, short stories,
children’s books and a novel (which is available on Amazon, with great
reviews and awful sales). My second novel will prominently display the
sociopolitical ramifications of utilizing trans-dimensional waste removal
as a solution to curse induced constipation. I once starred in a play that
never ran and alas, I never did get to kiss the girl. I have a wonderful
wife and four children who love me despite my overwhelming humility. I
have played soccer at high altitude and traveled by submarine to the ocean
floor. I have white water rafted through an Indian reservation, but
declined to have my picture taken with the Chief. (It cost $5.00). When
traveling the winding Andean mountain road, I rode on top of the bus. I
have photographic proof of my directing traffic and hanging from bridges in
the Amazon as well as scaling national monuments on the Equator. I prefer
80’s Rock, and electrical power, but I have made some impressive Steampunk
book-ends. I can eat an entire three-layer dark chocolate fudge cake
without gaining an ounce, but rice cakes make me swell like the Goodyear
Blimp. (OKAY, that last bit was a lie but the rest really is true).